I thought I was tired before

First off, Let me start out by telling you. I invested in a fan and now have a bit of air brushing by me in my tiny little stuffy room. I also purchased a small black comforter. The bed sheets provided were something out of Miami Vice and I didn't think I could handle 9 weeks of that. So now that I am bit more comfortable. I find myself tired not only in body but in spirit. I will explain, but right now its because I am tired of being a stupid American.

Now, don't get all hot and bothered. Everyone here is nice and not one person has been bothered by me being an American. I can't begin to describe to you the differences in language, culture, technology, etc. Its so freaking weird that we all speak English and yet I can't understand a large percentage of whats going on. And I don't mind asking and they don't mind helping. In fact the Brits I've met have been nothing more than helpful. But if you know me. I hate to feel helpless and I like to know what I am doing and I like to feel in control. This whole asking for help thing and needing to ask people to explain what to them is simple makes me feel stupid. And that's the one thing I hate to feel.

So tonight, I am down on myself. But luckily my girl Arie (another Winant Volunteer) and I went out to dinner. We were able to commiserate these sentiments before striking out on a crazy grocery shopping experience. I almost had a melt down. Once again, being a world traveler, the worst part was feeling like I'm not able to blend. All the food products are different and called different things. (I'm going to do a video montage on the weird little things I find) Here's the thing, I am on a health plan, or was until last Thursday, but as I walked around the Lidl which is there version of Aldi's. I almost had a panic attack, I am totally unaware of how to understand the nutritional information on the back. The fat is written in percentages. And its all different and strange. I was thinking, I don't have enough money to eat at restaurants for my stay, and I don't have the wherewithal to continue shopping tonight without crying. SO, Arie and I left the cheapo store (with a bottle of wine and my new black comforter) and found a Tesco down the street. I would equate it to a Stop and Shop. And this is where I actually shed one tear. When I walked down the freezer section and next to the burgers, they had Quorn products. When I found the fake bacon I so love, and fake chicken and fake ground beef. I actually shed one tear. Cause even if I can't read the damn label, at least I know this stuff is in my diet plan.

So when I got back to the dorm, I put my jogging outfit on and went out for a quick jog. I needed to expend some energy since I was in a bit of an internal hurricane only an hour previous. This is when I met a few of the really cute Brit boys that are also staying in my dorm and for some reason, I don't feel so bad anymore. Even though they thought I was saying everything weird and asking me about James Dean movies and 1950's shopkeepers attitudes towards teens playing dice on the side of their stores. I explained since I wasn't alive in the 50's that I wouldn't have a clue on the mind set of a shopkeeper during that time period. Although I could explain the game they were playing. So in some way I felt a bit useful. I know I will get the hang of this.

Its funny, I've spent my whole life trying to be different..... and now that I am..... All I really want is to just blend in.